


Nice and Slow

by smoothbrownrectangles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Black Paladin Shiro (Voltron), F/M, Flashbacks, anxiety/panic attacks, blackashi, gratuitous sex but not all that gratuitous, minor depictions of violence, shallura - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 05:01:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoothbrownrectangles/pseuds/smoothbrownrectangles
Summary: Shiro loses his eyesight spontaneously, and it's up to Allura and the team to figure out what happened and how to fix it, or risk losing their Black Paladin forever.





	Nice and Slow

**Author's Note:**

> S1-s2 arc. Fuck canon.

“Has anything like this ever happened before?” Coran asked.

Shiro’s mind was frantic, barely able to form a complete thought. “N…No. I don’t think so…” he said shakily. Allura helped him remove his helmet. Everything was so dark.

“Easy now, just take it nice and slow,” she said as she helped him remove his breastplate.

“Shiro! What happened?” Keith’s panicked voice came from down the hall, accompanied by many rushing feet. The other paladins must have been with him.

“I don’t know,” Shiro answered, still reeling. “One minute I was battling some Galra fighters, then the next… everything went dark.”

“You passed out?” asked Hunk.

“No, no. I was conscious, but everything just…disappeared.” He reached a trembling hand to his eyes. “I can’t see…” He balled his hands into frustrated fists, fighting the tears that threatened to spill forth. The last thing he needed was to cry in front of his team.

“You what?” said Hunk, nearly whispering.

“So you just…went blind?” said Keith. “In the middle of a dogfight??”

“That’s when Lance and I towed him back to the castle so we could wormhole,” said Pidge.

“How does something like this even happen?” asked Lance.

“I don’t know,” answered Shiro, shoulders tense and shaking.

“And you’re sure this has never happened to you before?” asked Coran again.

“I DON’T KNOW!”

Everyone went quiet. Uncomfortably quiet. Shiro could hear shifting feet and uncertain murmurs. He could feel two frustrated tears threatening to run down his cheeks. “I think you all need to leave,” said Allura in an authoritative voice, the kind she rarely used. “Shiro is clearly frustrated and your constant squabbling isn’t helping. Coran and I will see to him. We will inform you with updates as they happen.”

Shiro felt a bit guilty as the four younger paladins filed out wordlessly. He didn’t mean to get them chewed out. Allura spoke again: “Coran, you can stay so long as you take care not to antagonize our patient, is that clear?”

“Yes, Princess,” Coran answered sheepishly. Even Coran was getting the third degree.

A gentle hand rested on Shiro’s shoulder; he knew that distinct delicate strength anywhere. “Everything will be alright, Shiro,” said Allura. Maybe it was delusion, or maybe it was the way she said it with such confidence, but Shiro believed her.

Allura helped him remove the rest of his armor while Coran examined him for any immediate injuries. Shiro couldn’t stand this feeling. He knew where he was and who was around him, but without use of his eyes, he felt so exposed, so vulnerable in this gaping void that targeted only him. He hated it.

Though Shiro felt no pain and had no apparent injuries, Allura and Coran felt it was best to give him an overnight stay in a healing pod. Shiro did not argue. He changed out of his flight suit mostly by himself, mostly because he wanted to keep some semblance of dignity. It did not help that he lost his balance and would have fallen if Allura hadn’t caught him. He chose not to think about how red his face must have been. When she offered to help him into the pod, he did not argue. His dreams were frantic. Roars and panicked voices, flashing lights, blood and syringes. He feared it might be memories from the arena, and hoped he’d never have to face them.

Shiro heard muffled voices chattering anxiously outside his pod when he awoke. His groggy eyes fluttered open and he saw…nothing. Still emptiness, still darkness. The excitement died down when the pod opened and Shiro simply shook his head.

“Nothing?” said Coran. “You still can’t see?”

“Coran,” Allura scolded quietly. She laid a confident hand on Shiro’s arm. “We will just have to try other methods.” He nodded absently.

“Princess… can you help me to my room?” Shiro asked.

“Of course,” she answered in a way that made him feel like a human being and not some broken thing that needed to be pitied. That was one of the things Shiro loved about Allura; she was always sincere.

The castle was a maze even with the gift of sight. He trusted Allura knew the way but he truly had no idea where he was. He never really noticed how much the corridors twist and turn, now many damn steps in each staircase, how many doors were activated by sensor or touchpad—something he would never get used to. Allura’s pace was slow, steady, and confident. She stopped periodically when he needed to get his bearings, and though she was leading, she always went at his pace. He kept his arm hooked around hers, trusting her completely but still feeling so lost. Halfway up yet another flight of stairs, he felt her arm grow in length and girth.

“You made yourself bigger,” he observed.

“I thought it would be easier for you,” she answered. “Is it helping?”

Shiro deepened his grip on her arm, nearly hugging it. “Yes. Thank you, Princess.”

She snickered. “You’re allowed to call me Allura, Shiro.” Shiro’s cheeks turned warm. Something about the way she said his name made him feel…nice.

“Isn’t there an elevator in this place?”

“Yes, but it can’t hurt to familiarize yourself with the castle’s layout, can it?” Shiro smiled again; she was always thinking ahead.

They reached his room and Allura guided him to the touchpad that activated the door. “Is there anything else you need?” she asked.

It was a strange feeling to be waited on by a princess. “No. I just…I need to be alone right now.”

“Very well. You’ll be sure to alert me if you need anything?”

Shiro nodded. “Thank you, Princess.”

Allura let out a soft chuckle. “You’re welcome, Black Paladin.”

Shiro spent the remainder of the day re-familiarizing himself with the layout of his personal quarters. He made his bed, took a shower, changed his clothes, and performed other mundane tasks, just to be sure he was still capable. The shower was tricky without seeing the knobs, but he quickly got the hang of it. His only real challenge was ensuring he didn’t put his shirt on backwards.

Once his list of daily tasks was complete, Shiro was unsure what to do with himself. He’d made this plan assuming he would feel better knowing he was still able to perform his usual routine. But it had little effect. Sure, he could shower and put his boots on the right feet, but could he still fight? Could he still pilot the Black Lion? Could he still lead Voltron? He went to bed early that night and didn’t leave his quarters for three days.

Coran brought him food a few times a day and attempted awkward small talk. Shiro barely engaged, and barely ate. He was so tired of the constant nothing and the persistent feeling of not knowing. A Galra spy could be hiding in his room, and he would have no idea. Similar paranoid thoughts crept into his mind. It was an endless source of frustration and fear. His dreams were chaotic, just a jumble of bright lights, piercing sounds, and barely intelligible images. Nothing made sense, but it still made his heart race upon waking. He allowed himself to cry as long as no one could see him.

A knock on the door roused him from yet another intensely stressful dream.

“Shiro? Are you awake in there?”

“Yeah—Yes, Princess. I’m awake.”

“Oh dear, I’ve awoken you.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I overslept anyway.” Shiro found his way to the door and opened it with the touch pad. “Is there something you need?” he mumbled, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“You look like you’ve been trampled by a pack of yalmors,” said Allura.

“I have no idea what that is, but yeah, that’s about how I feel,” said Shiro.

“Well, I’ve come to ask your assistance. We’ve arrived at our next destination and I could use an escort.”

Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose. “You want an escort? And you picked the blind guy?” Allura paused. “Princess, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Alright fine, you’ve got me. I request you to join me on an outing.”

“An outing?”

“Just the two of us.”

Shiro’s cheeks felt warm. “Um…” he stammered. “Where are we going?”

“Someplace nice. You’ll like it.”

Allura led him confidently through the castle, but Shiro couldn’t help feeling like she had something on her mind. Finally, a door opened to Allura’s touch—which door and where it was located, Shiro could only guess—and a breeze blew through his hair.

Dirt crunched underfoot as she led him forward. Sunlight warmed his skin and he turned his face skyward to drink it in. Wind blew in his ears, and the scents of plants danced about him in a beautiful ballet.

“I thought you could use a break,” said Allura.

“What is this place?”

“Orbos, one of the moons of Kirip. The Olkari come here regularly to study its ecology, particularly its potent medicinal plants. Their base is not far from here.”

Shiro gripped Allura’s arm as she led him to what sounded like a creek beneath what felt like a shady tree. They sat in the cool grass, and Allura removed her shoes.

“The water is nice and relaxing,” she said as she dipped her feet in the creek.

Shiro slipped off his boots and slid his feet into the water. “It’s cold,” he shivered. Allura laughed. “Princess? Why did you bring me here?”

“I told you, I thought you could use a break,” she said casually, stretching. “This place is lovely, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s very nice. But you didn’t just bring me here for a vacation.”

Allura paused. “Tell me, Shiro: what do you hear right now?”

Shiro meant to complain about her not answering his question, but he stopped himself. “Wind. I can hear the wind. And the flowing creek.” His attention was drawn upward. “The leaves on the tree rustling in the breeze.”

Allura hummed contentedly. “And what can you feel?”

Shiro cocked an eyebrow. “Princess—"

“Humor me. What do you feel?”

“Um… cold water on my feet.”

“Good. Now, what do you smell?”

“Plants. Flowers, maybe. Something mossy and muddy in the water.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it? Being connected to your surroundings?”

Shiro was pretty sure he knew where this was going. “Yeah. It is.”

“Losing one of your senses doesn’t make you any less valuable as a person or as a member of Voltron. You still have four perfectly good senses, and a psychic link with a robotic space Lion.” Shiro chuckled. “I can’t imagine how difficult this ordeal must be for you, but I need you to know that you still have value as an individual, and you still have my support. No matter what.”

He envied Allura’s confidence and optimism. Yet somehow, he felt himself absorbing both, if only a little bit. He felt a sudden urge to hold her hand. “You brought me out here to cheer me up?” he smiled.

“Is it working?”

A tear welled up in his eye and he blinked it away. “Yes. Thank you, Princess.”

To his sudden surprise, she reached out and held his left hand. His cheeks went hot and his instinct was to pull away. It can’t be appropriate for a princess to hold hands with a commoner. But he stopped himself. He relaxed his hand and curled his fingers around hers. Her skin was so soft. His heart fluttered terribly, but the longer he sat with her hand in his, the more his heart began to calm. It felt so comfortable, so right.

“There’s another reason I’ve brought you here, Shiro,” said Allura. “I’ve told Ryner about your condition, and she would like to examine you. The medical laboratory on this moon is one of the most advanced in the galaxy. She might be able to restore your eyesight.” Shiro was left speechless. Part of him wanted to find Ryner right away, but part of him just wanted to stay here with Allura, under this tree, and hold hands until the end of time. “But we’re a few vargas ahead of schedule. We can just stay here a bit.”

The two sat in a silence so sweet and comfortable that Shiro could have wrapped himself in it and fallen asleep. Birdlike creatures chirped here and there, buglike beings buzzed occasionally, and once in a while a leaf fell from above and drifted gently downward. Allura’s hand fit perfectly in Shiro’s and he never wanted to let go.

Eventually, a landbound vehicle arrived and an Olkari researcher reprimanded them for not making immediate contact on landing. Shiro and Allura couldn’t help but giggle. The researcher gave them a ride to the laboratory, where the rest of the team was waiting. Objectively, the examinations that followed were very professional and not out of the ordinary. The problem was the flashbacks.

Shiro tried to power through it. He steadied his breathing and focused on what he could take in. Voices: he could definitely make out Ryner in the bunch, and the Olkari had higher, more nasally voices than deep gravelly tone of the Galra. Smell: this laboratory smelled clean and sterile, just like the Galra laboratory… That one didn’t work so well. Shiro moved on. Touch: the Galra were forceful and violent, while the Olkari were kind and cooperative. Yes, that was it. He was among friends. “Your heart rate is a bit high,” said one of the researchers, but Shiro couldn’t make it go any lower. Then one of them tried to draw his blood and he lost it.

In a flash of fight-or-flight panic, Shiro could only register that he had backed into a corner and gripped his head, fighting the memories that ripped into his mind. Bright lights, heavy shackles, a tight muzzle, and a cold examination table. Images of needles filled his mind, sometimes draining his blood through long tubes that made his vision go fuzzy, sometimes injecting mysterious substances deep into his muscles that caused burns and spasms and screams though the muzzle. He fought it so hard it left a scar. Most of all, he saw those eyes, and the horrendous, hooded figure that haunted him. The high priestess…

“Shiro…”

Allura’s gentle voice was accompanied by her hands taking his. He was shaking so hard. “I’m…I’m sorry,” he stammered.

“Shh, it’s okay. Don’t apologize.”

But he felt a need to apologize; he was so lost in his head he wasn’t sure what damage he may have done in the real world. “Did I hurt anyone?”

“No. You knocked over an instrument table and spooked a few researchers, but no harm done.” Her voice was so soft. She extended his left arm and pressed a bit of gauze to the crook of his elbow. “To stop the bleeding,” she explained.

Now he felt really stupid. He pressed on the gauze and bent his arm to staunch the blood flow. Of course he had to act out during a blood draw. He felt like apologizing again, but she wouldn’t want that. “Thank you, Princess,” he said instead.

“We can stop here,” said Ryner.

“No,” said Shiro. “I’m okay, just… just give me a minute.”

Ryner and Allura exchanged a few words that he did not catch. A bit of background noise permeated the room, most likely the Olkari researchers resetting their equipment. Shiro tried to focus on his breathing, but god, he could not stop shaking. “Deep breaths,” said Allura. “Nice and slow.”

“We’re ready when you are,” said Ryner after several minutes. Shiro guessed they finished some time ago and were just allowing him extra time to calm down.

“Princess,” Shiro said, face flushing. “Do you think you could…?”

“I’d be happy to,” Allura answered sincerely. Shiro was grateful he did not have to finish his sentence with other people in earshot.

She stayed by his side for the entire examination.

Physicals, x-rays, heart scans, brain scans, the dreaded blood draws, Allura held his hand through the whole ordeal. Shiro felt so childish asking someone to literally hold his hand so he won’t be scared, but it honestly helped more than he thought. She described to him the instruments being used, and whether he should anticipate physical pain or other unpleasant sensation. The Olkari caught on and began describing their methods in meticulous detail to put him at ease. On a normal day, Shiro might have found it tedious, but today he found it oddly comforting. He didn’t have to convince himself he was safe; he could feel it.

Shiro’s bloodwork came back normal, as did most of his tests. Thorough examination of his eyes showed that he experienced no light perception, but also that the problem did not originate in his eyes. A detailed scan of his head revealed the culprit: a small implant in his brain.

“What kind of implant?” Allura asked, still clutching his hand.

“A small mechanical device, just here, deep in the occipital lobe,” said Ryner, probably pointing at a holo-rendering of his brain. “It’s emitting a low-energy pulse that only seems to be affecting the visual center of the brain.”

“How did something like that get in his brain in the first place?” Allura sounded desperate, something Shiro had never heard in her voice before. In his mind, memories of the laboratory came creeping back.

“The only possible way would be surgical implantation,” answered Ryner. “It would be a very complicated surgery for sure, but it’s possible that—”

“Haggar…” Shiro could barely utter the word; his body had gone back to trembling and his breath was ragged. “I…” he tried to speak but the tightness in his chest zapped the air from his lungs. He took another deep breath, nice and slow. “I remember now.”

It was the dreams. They were memories, no doubt, but ever since he lost his sight, he’d been dreaming of the same event again and again. Allura held his hand. “Tell us, Shiro.”

Shiro was certain there were other people in earshot, likely including the rest of his team. He couldn’t afford to care about that. He took a deep breath.

“After I defeated Myzax, Haggar decided to make me her science project. I don’t know how many hours I spent in that laboratory.” He could still smell the stale blood staining the hard metal exam table. It made him nauseous. “I wasn’t exactly a cooperative test subject. It may have been stupid of me, but I took great pleasure in making her job as difficult as possible. As you can guess, Haggar did not like that.

“She started cutting into my skull, playing around in my brain,” his voice trembled, “pulling and slicing, just to see what would happen. Sometimes I would lose the ability to hear, or walk, or speak. If I was lucky, she’d make some notes and put me back together right away. If I wasn’t lucky… she’d leave me broken for days, sometimes weeks.” Allura’s hand trembled in Shiro’s grip, but she said nothing and made no motion to move away. Shiro feared he was upsetting her. He wanted to stop, but he could feel her urging him to continue. “Anyway, one such occasion ended in my loss of sight. Haggar put me back together after a few days, but soon after, she implanted a small device designed to respond to some energy signal produced by this little machine… it kind of looked like a remote control. She always carried it with her. If I misbehaved, all she had to do was press a button and everything would just go black.”

Uncomfortable silence permeated the air when he finished. Allura squeezed his hand, but she did not tremble this time.

“Thank you for telling us, Shiro,” she said earnestly. “That couldn’t have been easy. How do you feel?”

Shiro paused, relaxing his shoulders. “Surprisingly okay,” he answered. He could feel Allura smiling.

“Shiro…” said Ryner pensively. “What were you doing immediately before your vision disappeared the other day?”

“I was flying the Black Lion; we were engaged in aerial combat with a few Galra fighters.”

“There was a battle cruiser nearby,” said Allura as though she’d just struck gold. “Haggar must have been onboard, she must have activated the device once you were in range!”

“My thoughts exactly, Princess,” said Ryner. “Unfortunately, this discovery does little to help our current predicament. The question still remains: what must be done about the device?” She paused as if deep in thought. “The way I see it, we have only two options: locate the remote and shut off the device permanently, or surgically remove it.”

“Remove it,” said Shiro immediately.

Ryner paused. “Before you decide, Shiro, you need to understand that such a surgery will be very complicated. We would be delving deep into your brain tissue. We Olkari may be adept at such practices, but this procedure will not be risk-free; something could go wrong. You may lose your eyesight permanently… You may not even survive.”

“I understand,” Shiro answered. “And I don’t care. I’m tired. I want it out of me.”

Another pause. Shiro hated it when they paused; he could never tell what their expressions were saying. Allura’s grip on his hand tightened. “Very well,” said Ryner.

#

“Are you absolutely certain about this?” asked Allura as she led Shiro outside. He’d wanted to hear the wind again.

“I’m sure,” he answered simply.

The research facility was not properly equipped or staffed for such a complicated procedure, so Ryner set off back to Olkarion to retrieve the proper equipment and personnel. The trip would take little more than a day, so the team decided to wait on Orbos.

“And you’re certain you understand the risks?” Allura asked. “Ryner was very concerned about the risk involved. Coming from a civilization as technologically advanced as the Olkari, that’s rather concerning.”

“I understand, Princess. And I’m willing to take that risk.” Shiro did not want to discuss it further, and he hoped Allura would not press the matter anymore. They walked arm in arm in silence for some time, but the silence was not comfortable like it was before. Shiro chose to focus on the sounds and smells of the outdoors, which were lively and pleasant. They reached a patch of grass under a leafy tree, as the sound of a creek trickled close by. Shiro surmised that this was the spot where they had ventured before. He was glad to be back, but he could not make himself enjoy it. Not if she was upset.

“We could track down Haggar,” Allura said after a few tense minutes of silence. “We’ll find a way, there must be a way. I’m learning more about Altean alchemy every day, and I’m sure there’s some method for tracking an individual…”

“Princess… Please understand. That woman kept me captive for a year. She experimented on me, she tore me apart over and over again. I finally got away, and she’s still controlling me. I don’t want to turn the device off, I want to cut it out of my head.”

“And risk your life?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

He could almost see her shrink back. He felt guilty, but he had no intention of taking back his words. He meant it.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” Allura said, nearly a whisper.

Shiro felt that like a punch to his gut. He didn’t want to hurt her. “Princess…”

“Do you really have so little regard for your own life? You didn’t even consider the other options. You just jumped right on board as though you want to die!” Her voice shook. “Did you even think about the rest of us? What’s going to happen to the team if we lose you? What’s going to happen to me?” She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her chest where her heart pounded like an animal raging in its cage. “Feel that? This heart beats because of you. You’ve saved my life multiple times, Shiro. I wouldn’t be here without you. And if something were to happen to you, I don’t know how much longer this heart will keep beating.”

The creek bubbled gently along its bed, wind blew lazily between the trees, and Allura sobbed into her hands. Shiro’s heart broke. He had no idea how much pain she was in. Tears streamed silently down his cheeks as he fought and failed to keep them back. He reached out and by chance touched her arm. She flinched, and he recoiled in kind.

“I’m sorry, Allura,” he said. “I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to hurt you. But I wasn’t thinking about you, or the team, and I’m so sorry—”

Before he knew what was happening, she threw her arms around him in a full-body embrace. Shiro had never held her before. Not like this. Her body was like her hands: gentle and delicate like a flower petal, yet sturdy and powerful like a lioness. He hoped she knew how truly sorry he was, and he wished he could stay here, holding her, forever.

“I understand why you want to do it,” she said, weeping into his shoulder. “I’m just trying so hard to keep you here. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Then let’s try your method,” said Shiro. “Ryner won’t be back until tomorrow. Let’s try locating Haggar.”

Allura lifted herself from the embrace, but did not move away from him. She still touched his hands. “No,” she sniffed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m nowhere near that proficient; I was just desperate.”

Shiro cracked a grin. “I have a hard time believing you would be incapable of tracking anyone in the universe.” She let out a laugh between sniffles. “I’ve seen the way you work; there’s nothing you can’t do, Princess.”

“Perhaps,” answered Allura, coyly. “Regardless, tracking down an evil witch as powerful as Haggar is a death wish anyway, and you promised me you did not have a death wish.”

“And I meant that,” he smiled.

A soft hand rested on his shoulder. “And I thought you were going to call me by my name.”

A warm sensation rose in his cheeks—it had been happening a lot lately—but not so uncomfortable as it had been of late. This was a pleasant feeling. He would even welcome it to grow warmer. “I’d nearly forgotten. My apologies, Princ—” He caught himself. “Allura.”

Her hand moved up until it rested lightly on his cheek like a butterfly. “You’ll make it through the surgery alright, won’t you?” Her voice had a sad note to it. He’d give anything not to make her cry again.

“I promise.”

“Don’t promise. Promises are inevitably broken, no matter the will of the heart. Just tell me you’ll do your best.”

“I’ll do my best.” He touched her butterfly hand, and she relaxed a little more. A tiny teardrop trickled down his cheek and she wiped it away with her thumb. Shiro turned his head a bit and kissed her hand. It was a reflexive move, one for which he felt instant regret. If holding hands with a princess was inappropriate, then kissing her hand in such a personal way was certainly not allowed. He cringed at himself, yet again doing something that could drive her away.

She did not pull away. She placed both hands on his cheeks and kissed his lips.

He wanted to see her. So badly.

“Was…” she faltered. “Was that okay?”

“Yes,” he said without thinking. Even if he took the time to think, he’d answer the same. “Yes, it’s very okay.”

“Good,” she said in a half-laughing sigh of relief. “I was so nervous; I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long.”

Shiro’s heart stopped. “You have?” Allura stammered a bit more in a way that was positively adorable, but clearly expressed her awkwardness. He decided to help. “Well… you don’t have to stop at just one.”

She took a long, hearty pause. Her energy seemed to steady and her discomfort melted away. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him in for another kiss, one that sent a static jolt spiderwebbing across his skin. His heart burned, and he wanted more. She slid up onto his lap and hooked her legs around his hips, skirt fluttering about them in the bright breeze. In that moment, he did not need his eyes at all.

It never occurred to him before, but he had memorized her body. The shape of her lips, the way her hair hung around her ears, the fit of her clothing. Her kisses left him breathless, left them both breathless, and it wasn’t long before she moved down his neck. He gasped and pulled her closer, urging her on. Kisses turned into bites. Shiro was caught by surprise. That wasn’t something he’d ever thought about before, but he liked it. A lot. “Don’t stop,” he breathed when she paused instinctively at his flinch. His request was met with another bite, and he loved it.

They both paused, breathing heavily and pulsating heat like a bonfire. “Are you sure this has nothing to do with me being blind?” Shiro asked.

“What do you mean?” Allura responded, panting.

“You know, when someone has an overabundance of sympathy for the tragically wounded person and that develops into, um… feelings?”

“Oh.” It was clear she hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that phenomenon before. But… I suppose it’s possible,” Shiro felt her cringe at herself, a feeling he knew all too well. “Is that bad?”

“Not right now it isn’t.”

“Good,” she said, touching her forehead to his. Shiro’s face was beginning to hurt from smiling. “Is it just me, or is it getting a bit warm?” asked Allura.

“I can help with that.”

Without a word, Allura took his hand and guided it to the zipper on the back of her dress. He pulled away her hair with the other hand and unzipped all the way to the small of her back. She pulled her arms from their sleeves and let the dress fall away. Shiro froze. His left hand rested on her bare back, and there was more, so much more of her to feel. He wasn’t sure where to begin. He once again longed to see her in a way that ached in his heart, but he did not need to. Not when he had two good hands.

Her body was incredible, and surprisingly human. After a moment of what must have been a positively dumbstruck expression on Shiro’s face, Allura leaned forward and unzipped his vest. He was so caught up in her, that he forgot he was still wearing clothing. In fact, both of them were. The heat flared up again as both vigorously removed one another’s clothes in between bouts of kissing that could almost be described as violent. Soon, he was flat on his back in the cool grass, completely bare, with a beautiful naked princess sitting atop him, pinning him by the wrists and biting his neck once more. He had no idea where his clothes were.

The rest of the world fell away. Time meant nothing. Past, future, neither existed. All that mattered was happening right now. Shiro wasn’t sure just how different Altean anatomy was from that of humans, but she seemed to know what she was doing. She slid on top of him, and both let out exhausted groans of pleasure. Shiro was already about to burst. “This is a little bit different,” Allura said. “I think I’ve got it, but—”

“It’s okay,” answered Shiro, shocked that his brain could still form words. “Just go with your instinct. I trust you.”

Her instinct was spot-on. The more she moved, the more Shiro felt himself building up in just the right way. She pressed her torso to his, still gripping his wrists above his head—another detail that he hadn’t thought about in the past but enjoyed immensely—and moved her body faster and faster, breathing in his ear. His pressure built up and up, aiming for that pinnacle. He moved with her, their hips synced in a rhythm that left him gasping. His body found that sweet spot and swelled until his climax burst forth, a great wave cresting over his body, drowning him in ecstasy. Allura must have finished as well, but he was too preoccupied to notice, something that embarrassed him terribly so he made himself ignore it for now. In any case, she stopped shortly after he finished. She released his wrists and lay heavily at his side, both breathing with an effort like they’d just climbed a mountain. They said nothing, and when both had caught their breaths, they held one another in the cool grass, as the creek sang beside them.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” said Allura, her voice a mix of sleepy and fulfilled. She traced her fingertips up and down his chest. “Did you enjoy it as well?”

Shiro laughed. “Do you need to ask?” He kissed her forehead. “Yes, I enjoyed it very much.” Allura hummed in affirmation and snuggled closer to him.

“Then we must make plans to do that again sometime.” Her voice drifted off as though she would fall asleep. Shiro brushed the hair from her face, imagining her content expression. Just thinking about her set his soul on fire, but laying here, holding her afterward; it was bliss.

“Dude.”

The sudden voice jerked them from their near-slumber. Shiro had no idea where his clothes were. “Pidge?!” His brain took a second to process her voice.

“Dude…”

Allura had the sense to locate her dress and toss it over the both of them in attempt at modesty. “Pidge, how long have you been standing there?!” she shouted.

“DUDE!”

“For the love of everything, Pidge, at least turn around so we can change,” Shiro said, exasperated. “And so help me, if you say ‘dude’ one more time—”

“Dude…”

Shiro and Allura got dressed in humiliating silence, while Pidge waited out of sight. Or, that’s what Shiro was told. “Y’all decent?” she called after a few minutes.

“Yes,” Shiro said. “We’re decent.”

“Good. Now what the quiznak was that?!”

“That depends,” said Shiro. “How much did you see?”

“Just the post-coitus cuddling. Guess I missed all the action.”

“Pidge, you are fifteen years old!”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t know what sex is, Shiro.”

If it was possible to die from embarrassment, Shiro would have guessed his death was imminent. He buried his face in his hands, positive that he had turned bright red. He didn’t need to give Pidge more material to share with the rest of the team. And if the rest of the team found out… They’d never let him hear the end of it.

Allura, however, had gone into diplomat mode. She placed a hand on Shiro’s shoulder in solidarity, and spoke in a calm and even tone. “Now, Pidge. I understand that what you witnessed may have been a bit unexpected. But rest assured, it was a consensual act between two adults of sound body and mind.”

“Sound body?” Pidge repeated. “Shiro’s blind.”

Allura paused. “Yes… Well. Be that as it may, this does not change the fact that—”

“That mom and dad finally got together?” Pidge chimed in. Shiro groaned a little too loudly, dreading the inevitable teasing and/or blackmailing. “Hey, don’t worry about a thing. I’m glad you two are finally together.” Shiro lifted his face from his hands, wondering if he heard that right. “I mean, sure, I could have done without being front and center to the floor show, but you two have been leading the team together since day one, and everybody looks up to you. You both deserve that support and companionship, especially after everything you’ve gone through. Plus, now Lance owes me fifty GAC.”

“Wow, Pidge,” said Shiro, “that’s surprisingly mature of you and—What do you mean fifty GAC?”

“You’re making bets on our love lives?” asked Allura.

“You bet I am,” answered Pidge. “Now if you’ll excuse me: I feel a payday coming my way. Catch you crazy kids later.”

Pidge’s footsteps faded into the distance. Shiro ran his hands down his face with exasperation. “Now everybody’s going to know, and we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“I suppose so,” answered Allura. “I guess that means we’ll have to hide out in the woods for a while. Far away from the team. Where nobody can find us.”

Shiro didn’t have to see her to know she wore a mischievous grin.

Gallivanting through the woods would have been much easier with functional eyes, but with Allura’s help, Shiro made it work. They traipsed between tress, through flowing grass, over hills and streams, all while the wind followed them. It was ridiculous, like a couple of carefree teenage sweethearts running away from home on a romantic journey only to return before dinner. Shiro was never really that kind of person, but maybe it was time he indulged a little.

The best part was listening to her laugh. Such enthusiasm, such joy, such grace. At the top of the hill, she described to him the view in such detail, Shiro could have painted it into a picture. This was a side of Allura that Shiro had never seen before, and he wondered if this was what her childhood was like, traversing wild lands with a friend or a lover hand in hand, in search of adventure. She never let go of his hand, and he hoped she never would.

“The sun is beginning to set,” she said as they settled in the grass atop the hill.

“Everyone will be wondering where we are.”

Allura sighed. “I suppose we should head back then. I can see the castle from here, it’s not far.”

Shiro paused. “Or… we don’t have to. I have an idea.”

He closed his eyes—pointlessly—and concentrated, searching for that spark, that familiar inkling deep in the ocean of his mind that he had grown to know well in recent months. He found it, called to it, and instantly heard a responding roar in the distance. The Black Lion had launched herself from the castle’s hangar and found her way to her paladin’s side, shaking the ground beneath her massive metal paws.

“Care for a ride?” he offered to Allura.

They boarded the Black Lion arm in arm, and Allura guided Shiro to the pilot’s seat. He placed his hands on the controls; god how he missed that feeling. “Hey girl,” he said quietly.

Allura laughed, not in a condescending way, but more in an overpoweringly amused way. “Can you really fly this thing? In your condition?”

Shiro shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”

He closed his eyes once more and found that spark, that connection between Lion and Paladin, that feeling that filled him up and guided him from the moment he first laid eyes on Black. She was a magnificent beast. He let his mind drift back to a memory of his early days in team Voltron. A training exercise. What was it Coran had said? 'See through your lion’s eyes.'

Shiro took a deep breath, and felt Black purring in his mind. He felt her consciousness meld with his, like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. In an instant, his mind was filled with a technicolor image of a valley of trees, and a sunset from atop a grassy hill.

“It’s beautiful,” he breathed. “It’s exactly as you described it.”

Allura placed a hand on his shoulder. “Isn’t it, though?” Shiro wiped away a tear with his glove. “I’ve never seen a paladin advance to your level so quickly,” she continued. “I really shouldn’t be surprised that you can see through her eyes so easily, but here I am: still impressed after all this time.”

“I can do you one better,” Shiro responded. He grasped the controls and pulled them toward himself. The Lion rumbled and began lifting off the ground. “Better hold on tight, Princess.”

Allura hugged the back of his chair tightly. “Way ahead of you, Paladin!”

The Black Lion rocketed through the air in a thrilling whirl. She rolled and looped in the lower atmosphere as the trees spun beneath. She changed direction with deadly precision, always responding to Shiro’s commands as though the two were of the same mind, which they were in a way. Soaring through the skies felt so right, like this was where he was supposed to be. He’d known this feeling for a long time, but dreaded that his loss of sight would be the end of his paladin career. Black seemed to know this. She seemed much more responsive than usual, much more eager and able to anticipate Shiro’s moves. He wanted to be the Black Paladin for the rest of his life, and evidently, so did the Black Lion.  
Allura shifted her grasp to Shiro’s shoulders—much more stable than the chair. She laughed with the exhilaration of a child on a roller coaster. “You’ve still got it!” she said excitedly. “I don’t know why I ever doubted you, Shiro.”

No… this was where Shiro was supposed to be. Flying the Black Lion, side by side with Princess Allura.

They touched down on a different hilltop from where they started; Shiro made sure they were still in view of the castle. By then it was night time, and Shiro longed to take in the cool night air, so he and Allura climbed atop Black’s head. Shiro had grown tired from the day’s stress and excitement by that point, and his connection to Black’s eyes faded.

“I must say, Shiro, I am very impressed,” said Allura.

“Yes, you’ve said that a few times now,” Shiro smiled.

“And I mean it. When you lost your eyesight, I was terrified that you would have to retire from your position as Black Paladin. I know how much it means to you. But you can see through your lion’s eyes. You’re still able to fly as perfectly as before. I doubt even my father could have pulled off such a feat.”

“Yeah, well, don’t celebrate yet. I can fly but that doesn’t mean I can hold my own in one on one combat, or that I can read schematics, or make feasible judgement calls on strategy and battle tactics…” he trailed off, thinking of all the duties he would be unable to carry out without his eyes. “That’s why I want the surgery. I need it, Allura. I can’t be a burden on the people I love, I just can’t.”

“I understand,” Allura responded, placing a tender hand on his cheek. “But for the record: you would never be a burden on your team. We all care about you too much to see you that way. And I think you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Shiro drew his knees toward his chest. “It’s just… There’s a small chance I won’t survive the operation, and I’ve come to terms with that. But it’s much more likely that I’ll come out of it as blind as I went in. I’ll have to rethink my role on the team, because they would need a Black Paladin who can see, someone who can lead with confidence and compassion and…” he trailed off as an idea struck him. “Someone like you, Allura.”

Allura paused for so long, Shiro wondered if she’d fallen asleep. “What do you mean, someone like me?”

“I mean… If something happens to me during the surgery, will you take over as Black Paladin in my place?”

Another pause, a big one, and a lot of stammering that didn’t really form any words, until finally: “First of all: nothing is going to happen to you, and second… Yes. I will take on the mantle of Black Paladin should the situation call for it. Which it won’t. Because you’ll be fine.”

Shiro reached out and happened to grab her hand—probably with more of Allura’s assistance than she let him know. “I’ll do my best.” He kissed her hand.

Eventually it was agreed they should return to the castle. They were greeted awkwardly by the team; Lance seemed especially annoyed, but Pidge was more chipper than usual. The awkward shifting and deliberate avoidance were irritating, so Shiro spoke up. “Yes, we had sex. Does anyone have a problem with that?” Pidge laughed so hard, Shiro was pretty sure she fell to the floor. Everyone else was stunned to silence.

“Only that I’m out fifty GAC,” grumbled Lance.

“And Shiro,” began Coran, “I’d like to know exactly what your intentions are for dating the princess—”

“Would you guys knock it off?” interrupted Hunk. “Can’t you see that Shiro and Allura are basking in their beautiful bond? There’s no need for your negativity!”

“Just as long as you two aren’t shaking the walls, I’m fine with it,” said Keith. Shiro felt his face turn red, and his imminent death approaching.

“Well, I’m glad there are no major concerns,” said Allura. “Now, I don’t believe this matter needs further discussion.” Everyone agreed.

“In any case,” said Coran, “Shiro, you will be undergoing a major medical procedure in less than a quintant. You ought to get some rest.”

Shiro couldn’t sleep that night. The anticipation of the surgery was starting to weigh on him, which was especially frustrating since he was fine just a few hours ago. Or, at least he thought he was fine. He tossed and turned in bed, but his brain would not turn off. It was always the same thoughts: what if something goes wrong? He already knew he could pilot the Black Lion, but there was so much more to being Black Paladin than that. His mind raced. He tried to tell himself that his team would never leave him, even if he was permanently blind, but he could not make the anxiety abate. He would never be the same; he’d be useless.

Restlessness roused him from his bed. He donned his lion slippers, grabbed the cane that Coran had loaned him—which he was pretty sure was really a combat staff, but whatever; it got the job done—and set off down the silent hallway.

Shiro wandered the halls for what felt like hours, alone with his thoughts. It was the same worries that replayed again and again: worrying about the team, the dread of stepping down as leader, fear that he might not make it through the surgery. He got lost a few times, but only momentarily. He didn’t mind so much though; as long as he was alone, it was fine.

His mind drifted back to Allura time and again. She was already an excellent commander, so leading the paladins should be no problem. They already had the utmost respect for her, and she was exceptionally skilled in combat and strategy. She was perfect.

Shiro stopped in his tracks in the middle of a silent hallway. She really was… perfect. Soon his mind drifted to the events earlier in the day, how they held one another, how she had kissed him, how warm her skin felt against his, how he never wanted that moment to end…

As if by magnetism, Shiro was pulled from his spot and drifted down a separate corridor, running his hand along the wall to feel how many doors he had passed. Three doors… And this one before him was large, with ornate decoration. He knocked twice.

“Shiro?” Allura answered as the door slid open. Her voice did not sound groggy or sleepy; she had been awake. “Is everything alright?”

Shiro opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He wanted to say so many things, but had no clue where to begin, or whether it was smart of him to speak his thoughts at all. “I… I can’t sleep.”

Allura took his hand, and he could almost see a warm smile on her face. “Come inside.”

The moment he entered, they threw their arms around each other, and no more words needed to be spoken. They both wanted the same thing.

Allura’s bed was much more comfortable than the hard, grassy ground. Clothing was removed to make way for kisses and touching. This time, Shiro pinned her to the bed. She writhed and moaned as he nipped her neck, moving down her sternum and to her soft breasts. She wrapped her legs around him and urged him on. He was already trembling with electricity by the time he slid inside her, but hearing her moan in that moment was enough to make a man melt. The synchronicity of their movements was so perfect, one would think they had been doing this for years. Gradually, he began to build up, then more quickly. Her moans became louder, and the moment he burst forth, she let out a shuddering scream that crested over him like the sun-warmed waves of a sea. When both had come down from their respective highs, he released her wrists and laid heavily at her side, and they held each other on instinct.

Neither said a word, though both were still wide awake. Nothing needed to be said, so Shiro ran his fingers through her hair repetitiously.

Shiro hadn’t felt this way about anyone in a very long time. She had taken special care of him since he lost his sight, but more than that, she treated him with dignity. It wasn’t just his recent disability, though. After everything that he’d been through, all the terrors of the arena and the laboratory…to find someone like her, someone who had his back no matter what. She’d saved his life, as well, more than a few times. He always turned to her for guidance, and she did the same. They’d led the team together from the very beginning without hesitation, and worked side by side as though they’d done it for centuries, two halves of the same whole, the head and the heart of Voltron.

“Allura?” he began, heart thrumming in his chest. “Do you love me?” She tensed in his arms, and it made his heart skip. “I—I’m sorry,” he said hastily. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to—”

“Yes.”

“…I’m sorry?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to say it without scaring you away,” she said with an odd tone to her voice, almost like she was nervous. “And I don’t want you to feel obligated to return my feelings, I just felt like you deserve to know, sort of, as a sign of respect, I suppose. And you’re the one who asked after all but—"

“Allura?”

“Yes?”

Shiro smiled. His heart raced, but in a good way. In the best way. “I love you, too.”

They spent the rest of the night wrapped in one another, barely sleeping for fear of what tomorrow might bring. They stayed in bed after daybreak for as long as they dared, until Ryner radioed them just before midday to announce her arrival. It was time.

The whole of Team Voltron accompanied Shiro as an Olkari arrived in a landbound vehicle to take them to the medical base. The ride was spent in silence. Allura stayed by his side as the medical team prepped him for surgery. His breathing hitched up as they inserted the intravenous tubing. Allura squeezed his hand.

“Deep breaths,” she said.

“Nice and slow,” Shiro finished with a little smile.

Allura flung her arms around him, sniffling a little into his shoulder. They held each other for several seconds before she pulled away and planted a kiss on his lips. “You’ll make it out of it okay, won’t you?”

Shiro’s hand found her face and touched her cheek gently. “I’ll do my best,” he promised.

After that, Allura was escorted out of the room, and Ryner’s was the only voice Shiro recognized. She placed a mask on his nose and mouth and instructed him to take deep breaths. Shiro imagined the instructions in Allura’s voice, and did exactly as she said. Within seconds, he was fast asleep.

#

Darkness swirled around him in deep purples and jet blacks. His body was weightless, as though drifting through space without a suit. Stars pinged in the blackness, creating a gentle chiming song. It was lovely. A mist appeared before him and within it, he saw the princess. His princess. He reached out but his hand passed right through her ghostly body. The mist shifted and he saw himself standing with her, but they looked different. Older. His hair was grown out while hers was short. In her arms, she held a small bundle of blankets swaddling a tiny sleeping face. Shiro reached again, tears streaming, longing to reach this vision and make it real, but it dissipated the moment he touched it and he continued to drift through the void of chiming stars. He was lost. So lost. Everyone was so far away and he was all alone.

“Remember why you are here,” said a voice in the darkness.

“Who’s there?” said Shiro.

“You will see her again. You will see all of them. That’s why you are here.” The voice was sweet and strong, almost like Allura. But not quite. He’d never heard this voice before. Shiro looked around as it spoke and his eyes landed on the shimmering metal form of the Black Lion. “Remember why you are doing this,” she said, a voice in his mind. “You are doing this for her. You will always be with her, just as I will always be with you.”

Words failed to form in Shiro’s mind. Black purred in a way that sounded like laughter.

“Time to wake up now.”

The first thing to return was a ringing in his ears, nearly drowning out the murmurs of voices. So many voices. At least three.

He blinked, and his eyelids felt heavy. Through the creaking soreness, something wonderful happened. He saw a light.

Shiro turned his head slowly and painfully, and there she was. His princess, talking with Coran and Ryner, while his paladins listened intently. Allura looked so focused, so serious. Whatever they were discussing must have been important. That was the no-nonsense face of a leader. Her cloud-like hair was up in a bun, but a few gentle wisps coiled around her temples. The crescent moons on her cheeks were vividly pink against her warm brown skin, and Shiro wondered if they had grown more colorful in recent days. Allura cut herself off mid-sentence and locked eyes with him.

“Shiro!” she hurried to his side and grasped his hand, tears crowding at her eyes.

Shiro smiled, wishing he could stay here and look at her forever. “Hey, Allura,” he said through a hoarse voice. “It’s good to see you again.”

The smile that lit up her face was one he would never forget.


End file.
